[This is the second in a series of posts called “Don’t Take it Personal.” I will be writing letters to languages that have not been selected in this project, giving reasons for why I decided to “move on.” These will appear between regular posts, adding a more “comedic” spin to the blog.]
It’s been forever. I always wondered what you were up to since we last saw each other.
I know we didn’t end things on such amicable terms. I remember how bored I was with Japanese in high school. I was talking with some friends and I remember seeing your slightly goofy, yet secure smile across the room. When we first met, I was immediately drawn to your Umlauts and sharp s (ß). We shared an instant, if not rapid, connection when I learned you were related to English. Although your accent sounded funny, I had always thought it was adorable. I was intrigued.
But then I learned about your agglutinative side. I found out how you liked to form long compound words, sometimes in ways that seemed unnecessary. My love of your definite articles was eclipsed by my hate of your three genders. Even worse, I was lost in your conjugation in the worst possible way. How could a cousin of English, my first love, be so familiar and confounding at the same time?
I grew cold and distant. I despised hearing your voice and grew sick of all your words, which reminded me of overstuffed English . I wondered how anyone could admire you, as you seemed to say nothing but “achs” and “unds.” It drove me insane, so I left and I never came back.
I am forever searching for my life and my love and I’m glad you got to be part of both. However, my feelings for you have gone. While this is awkward for me, this letter has been something I’ve yearned to share with you for a long time. I’m happy I can move on.
Please be well. Or, as you would say, Tschüß.